script

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                                                                     Dole-Proof

Opening Scene;

The Camera Spans across an Egyptian style Desert at night with a full moon, the screen fades to black and then fades back into to an Egyptian tomb were hieroglyphics are written on stone walls and the floor is sandy, the theme song from Tomb Raider 2 is playing over this scene, one Egyptian style guy is stood wearing a big necklace with purple teeth on it, on each side of him are two Egyptian style men wearing loin cloths and are covered in strange body paint, a teenage Egyptian girl is tied up and struggling on a sacrificial table, they speak in a strange unknown language.

Head Egyptian: shuridepa deuenta si elondar nege, forsa ca fiatow, (The three moons of elandor have aligned, the time is dawning)

Left Egyptian: ales kla me prophecia al dabloe (as the prophecy foretold my liege)

Right Egyptian: le ferdan de comencia (let this battle commence)

The Music turns dramatic as the girl is sliced down the chest with a sacrificial dagger by the head Egyptian, as she dies she screams:

Girl: Un gretyuna rave denta res!!!!! (I forsee the final rave)

While this is happening the other 2 Egyptians pour molten gold into two mould boxes and a glowing green substance into another, bigger box in the middle.

The two boxes containing gold are shot off in one direction while the bigger box is sent off somewhere else in the same way, by high powered catapult through a window.

The head Egyptian then walks up behind the others and uses his massive hands to crush their heads.

Egyptian: resida inferteyo (this is the beggining)

Fade to black

Scene 2: The Montage

This scene is set in a jungle, a t-rex is running through the forest, the camera shows the t-rex standing on the 2 smaller boxes, pushing them deep underground, the t-rex screams and grabs its foot, as the dinosaur rawwrs the subtitle “Ahhhhh you fucker!” appears.

The earth is the shown being wiped out by the meteor and the t-rex is killed, along with everything else.

Millions of years later the boxes are dug up by a cave man, who breaks them both open with a stone, it is revealed that the artefacts look like two halves of a golden grinder.

The cave man is shown striking them together, and being the first man to discover fire, he screams but then realizes how warm the fire is, he burns himself, panics and puts it out, as he gets chilly he relights it and gets cosy.

Later that day he is showing his discovery to all of the cave people in his tribe, another cave person walks up to him and signals to borrow it with a grunt and a hand gesture, the cave man the puts a finger on both sides and rolls it down a hill, he then invents the wheel

Cut to 1939, a British soldier and his 3 mates are seen using the golden grinder in a trench hot boxing a dug out, a reggae version of God Save the Queen can be heard on an old time radio.

Soldier 1 (Skinning up with gg): so anyway yer as I was saying, these Germans were fighting?

Soldier 2 (smoking a spliff): yer, what about the nazi fuckers?

Soldier 4 hits a bong and falls asleep with it in is hand, soldier 3 proceeds to pick it up, clean it out and repack it during the following

Soldier 1 (sparks up spliff): like, what can they really be that pissed off about, I mean they had that fight with us right? (tokes) but we cleared that up and it was generally understood that, ya know, that shits in the past, its gone?

Soldier 2: so yer whats your point (toke)

Soldier 1: Im gettin to it yer hold on, (toke) anyway as I was sayin; were English, so let’s face it were pretty nice people, like, the British are programmed to be polite, take queuing for example, we invented that shit man (toke)

Soldier 2: And?

Soldier 1 (Relights spliff): and then you’ve got the French, and fair play they beat them, but declaring war on France is like punching a kid in a wheel chair, you just don’t do it, its harsh; and correct me if im wrong here but to the Nazis; isn’t the whole point of this is to wipe out the jews? why? I mean yer they may have some weird customs but their hardly a threat are they? (toke) I mean when would a Jew do Ju du? All im sayin is that that hitler wanker, if he just maybe, just took the time to sit back a smoke a bit of this, hey, maybe he wouldn’t feel so pissed of all the time; sorry ive been chattin shit, ah well (relights spliff)

Soldier 3: yer but that is pretty true tho

Soldier 3 pulls and hits the bong, when he inhales a bomb explosion is heard as all the lights go out, shouting and gunfire is heard and the silenced after a load of white flashes

Cut to a scene of a woman in WWII clothing opening a letter saying her husband has died in the war, she starts going through the box of his belongings, she finds his uniform, a photo of her, the grinder and a rasta hat.
 

The widow buries the hat and the grinder in a box in the garden, the camera zooms into the ground were the box is buried the zooms out again to the same place but 50 years later, 1999.

The area has become a building sight, a low level worker is smoking a roll up while digging a trench, and finds the box, when the box is opened the hat has wasted away but the grinder is perfect condition, amazed by what he found he immediately took it to the nearest jewellers and asked how much it was worth. The workers in the jewellers huddle together and have an unheard conversation

Jeweller: How much do you want for it?

Worker: 50 quid

Jeweller: deal

The screen then side wipes to a scene of the jeweller being outside a museum surrounded by media people on a big stage appearing to unveil the artefact at the museum

Guy at podium on stage: And so it is my honour to introduce the man who discovered this ancient, possibly Egyptian, possibly myan, possibly anything artefact; It is my honour to introduce to you, Mr David Deramy!

Polite applause

Steven(the jewler): Thank You, Thank You, it was through nothing but shear hard work, that I can spunk 10 mill of this stupid museums money, all on hot tubs, bitches, bling and burgers, ill see you later and you can all get fucked! (runs of stage with a big bag with ‘£’ sign on the side.

Fade to black)

The camera pans from the left, down from the floor upwards in a conservatory, past a wooden table holding a bong, different types of rizzla, blunts and rips, an ounce of weed can be seen on the table to, along with the golden grinder, the camera pans around to show 2 people aged 17 and 18 on a sofa, going from left to right, smoking blunts, Scott is on the left,  and Ben is sat on the right, over this scene the following conversation can be heard, while buffalo soldier is on quietly in the background:

Scott: I cant believe this actually happened, I mean we’ve deserved this for so long.

Ben: Knaw what I mean, its been takin this piss lately, I mean what has happened here doesn’t usually happen to decent people like us yo know; usually its just fake little plastic pop girls and dickheads pretended to be talented buy doin the same shitty thing everyone else seems to be doin over and over again, and getting paid fuckloads of money for it, when me and you would be ecstatic to make fuckloads of money buy doing something decent, (camera pans to bens face) If we handle this properly mate (big toke) we could be dole proof! (blows smoke into camera)

The words dole proof appear in big letters on screen as the opening sequence plays, pictures of the characters cartoon/anime/comic/anime style drawings of the characters are shown with the opening credit the song playing is hectic by enter shikari.

Scene 2: Allow This

The scene is set in a college classroom, all the students have desks covered in scraps of paper and artwork, except ben, who sat with a ipod with one head phone in, looks slightly hung over and is drawing a companion cube in a note pad.

A Teacher is talking at the front of the sclass in a middle class, slight up tight attitude, all line between two * is bens thoughts. During these thoughts the teachers words turn to mumbles, the camera is on ben during thoughts.

Teacher: And what we can see is that the shape in the water is analogical of oppression of women and minorities in this (picture of deodorant can in the style of lynx named ‘Hype’) Deoderant advert from 1985…

Ben: *yer gunna watch scott pilgrim later, ugh im well shattered, would they notice if I fell asleep here? Oh for fucks sake I can’t be arsed with this anymore*

Teacher (picture of apple on screen): …Origination from the late works Sainsbury van dahlia of the 1940’s avatacan art movement, which blends the colours of fruit using a solution made from berry juice and horse semen…

Ben: *I could be doing such better shit right now, I mean I could be at home writing a film, I could be out pulling granny’s out of wells, I could be making the world a better place but no, instead I’m stuck here a nun at an orgy, no idea what’s going on and I’m surrounded by dicks.*

Teacher: … which is why the colour yellow was banned in china (Ben stands up) can I help you ben?

Ben: Yer you can as It goes,

(Frame pauses; while the frame Is paused the background behind ben a light blue with a grid of ganja leafs over the head headphones and yellow smiley faces, at the bottom Jedi420 is wrotten in a futuristic chrome style in the bottom left corner. Revert back to video)

listen, im glad you lot all seem to have your priority’s in life sorted out, and that you can all find this interesting, boring as fuck it maybe, good for you, but you know what, I came here expecting to be making cool pictures on computers and that, but instead I find myself standing behind an easel in front of some dying plats, wasting my time away being the excact thing I didn’t want to be come, so you know what I don’t know what I’m gonna do after this, but theirs no way it’s not gonna be better than this, so fuck this, yer I’m out (everyone goes quite and have a ‘what the fuck look on the faces)

Ben precedes to walk out of the door

Ben: (While leaving) laters’

The next clip is ben walking down a corridor to get to an elevator, a small emo girl is walking the other way, towards ben

Ben: I quit college!

Emo: What?

Ben: Yer I Finally Quit

Emo: Why?

Ben: Cuz I was gonna do real subjects, proper a-levels and that, but instead I ended up on some shitty course with shitty people, fuck that, I’ve got to do better things with the time I have man

Emo: Oh really, what are you gonna do

Ben: First get hogh, then I’ll figure out the next move, think I’m gonna use all this spare time to learn guitar, really get my band goin ya know

Emo (Giving ben dirty looks): Little stoner, maybe it’s time to grow up and stop pretending you’re in dethklok (walks off)

Ben (Casually): Fine, fuck ya then (Walks off)

Cut to scene of ben on his own in the lift, with earphones in singing the chorus to Coheed and Cambria: The Running Free

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